It has been a lonnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg longgggggggggg time since I wrote anything serious here. And I mean SERIOUS. Well yeah, not because there isnt anything happening that worth writing about, but because, probably I am trying not to think about it, which would make me sad. Life, I'm happy to say that it has been going rather smoothly these days, of course there are obstacles but compared to what happened to me first half of this year, things are much better, well not until today, something just gotta happen to make my day bad...I recieved a text from my sis. Content as usual, money matters. I was furious. Ive been here for 3 years and everytime I asked for money, there's questions. THERE IS ALWAYS A FUCKING QUESTION!
I am so sick of it. Perhaps they didnt realize the rate is rising and that they had to send more money to me even thoug I'm using that much. I'm just so sick of it...So I texted her back, I was angry.. I sounded angry. She txted back, she was angry yadda yadda. Fine I called her, I was yelling at her, just outside Academy Cinema. The Indian lady who happened to be there must think I am paranoid.
I surrender.
I cried.
I am just human, I need to eat, I need entertainment. I am not machine. I have feelings, I have needs. I just wished that people could actually look into this perspective rather than jumping into conclusions. I am sick of it. My sis said since I was young, I have always been mama's boy. I have everything that I wanted and that makes me an immature brat. IMMATURE. I dispice that word. I knew, I have everything that I wanted since I was young, all I had to do was ask. And because of that my sis and my bro thinks that I am a spoiled kid. But what they didn't know is that I knew what think of me, and I did everything to show them that I'm not spoilt... Ever since I could remember, I have always buried my problems inside, I have always hide my weekness for I knew if I let them out, they'll think I'm immature, that I cant handle things, and that I am spoilt. But tonigh, my sis said
"You think you are mature but sometimes you just dont talk like a mature person"
That got me. It hit me. I guess they didnt know how hard is it to be out here. My bro, went to Johor, and so thats it, I dont even want to talk about him. My sis went to Kuching, and I ended up in Auckland. Not my choice thou. I was sent here. Everthing happened so fast that I dont even have time to think, and there I was, sitting on a plane, to Auckland. I dont even know my aunt that I am going to live with for Christ's sake. Well anyway, all they think was I spend money, spend money and spend money. My results meant nothing to them. I got an A+ for design and fuck they even understand just how important that is. Yeah probably they knew that its hard out there. But they have no idea how hard it is. It'd be nice if they could come here and live my life and hell they'll understand and shut up.
And whats the most shitty part, that even your family dont trust you. Hah. Cool huh. I am sick of them always saying that "OH, we trust you, but........" Fuck IT. man I mean it. Save it for someone else. Just a few more months, when I get my degree I fucking earn my money and hell I dont need to listen to their buts.
The thought of never knowing
Would kill me just the same
The solitary blossom
Reminders of a friend
Gone somewhere
You've got nothing to live for
You're travelling broken
You just can't free yourself
An' all the words we've spoken
Are buried in the sand
The ruptured and the broken
The taste of bitter glass
What are you saying
It's just the thought of rejection
It's pulling you deep in
You just can't free yourself
Your voluntary loving
Apologies have passed
I'm coming 'round again
The fragments of a reason
The taste of bitter glass
Bitter Glass, Feeder, Pushing The Senses
