KARMA IS A FUCKING BITCH

I feel like I have been stalked.

Tonight, while I was at a friend's birthday dinner, someone decided to send me some anonymous text messages, and the content of it went pretty ugly, which at some point in the text exchange it involved some mother-fucking and father-fucking, and I find myself seriously bugged by this mysterious textathone the entire night.

First of all I hated it when people send me random messages and not disclosing themselves. I am not saying I get these messages all the time, in fact it had only happened once a year or something like that and I usually get over it pretty quickly. The thing about it is that it's actually quite scary when that person that sent you those random messages sort of know a little about you and they make damn sure in the text that you know they know you so that it lingers and fucks with your mind a little. It's like someone who has been so horny but hasn't got laid like in a million years decided to get off by mind-fucking you, and then cum all over your brain. It's weird and it's my problem too because I love to mind fuck people too, which then you could probably tell how much fun I have been having with my hand lately and karma has this sort of crazy way of getting back at me.

But then that's the thing with people, they never get confrontational. No one really ever go 'Hey you know what? I really hate you and your silly humongous ass and you know what I have been hating you all these years, there you have it' although I find that most people love phrasing 'If you've got something to say about me, you better say it right here in my face' without having to realize that the truth actually shrinks their balls. What most people would do is that they sneak behind your back and throw a big bitch-fest for you, and haven't we all done that ? oh, it was so much fun. Not that I enjoy confronting people, mind you. All I am saying is that I hated it when people starts going all psychological bullshit with me and fucking with my thoughts, I hated it when I couldn't find a solution to an answer, ultimately I hated it when something happened, I didn't know how it started or why it happened. It's like the kind of feeling you get in one of those pre-diarrhea moments when you feel like you need to shit real bad but it's just not quite there yet but it's getting there, but not quite. It fucking sucks.

I'm used to it though, it's just that it sucks to have let something like this ruined my entire night out and it sucks that I couldn't help myself to drop it and move on because every single thing people said about me bugs me. I wish I was one of those that doesn't give a fuck about what you said. I do, and I care a lot and that is why I am mentally fucked because imagine if 4 person said something bad about me in one day, my brain would've need to process 4 different incidents, 4 different things, sometimes when it's related, I just need to put it together to make sense but it's a lot of work to do. Like once in a while, people would come to me and say some really disparaging things about me, or my family or friends. Sometimes it ended pretty, sometimes it's sticky, and most of the time, I'll get over it. It's just how relationship works isn't it? While your having a wonderful relationship here, you are fucking up another relationship there at the same time.

Ah, how I hate dealing with all these mess.

The Obligatory New Year Post

Happy New Year everyone !

First post of 2008, isn't it worth celebrating ??!! Bah, I know I am one day late, but I feel it's necessary, or obliged to post one just for the sake of it. I just realize I never posted anything on new years day, so much for the anticipation that is but I'm always so immersed in my outdoor curricular with my friends, I almost never had the time to draft or write anything before hand so I could just hit the post button comes that day.

But whatever, I actually hate the period between Christmas and new years day, really, and I have no idea why. You know, other than fact that it's holidays and obviously, moving into a new year since I'm all sick of writing 2007 and couldn't wait to start writing 2-0-0-8 instead, I really don't know what is there to look forward to, and I really have no idea why is everyone making such a big deal out of it. I mean the countdowns, fireworks, the rave party, the never ending booze, gettin' laid and the hang over next morning. It's pretty much like if you don't countdown and don't get drunk means you are probably celebrating new year the wrong way.

But of course I defy. I just had to go out. Stay home every other holidays but not December 31st. No shit, not going out on the last day of the year sounds like a chronic social malfunction to me, unless if your having a party at home and having people over that is. But of course, neither did we count down nor get drunk, but I am 99 percent sure everyone else is. Oh, I did smoke a lot of cigarettes and coffees to keep me up all night though, so that cancels everything out.

So my new years celebration was awesome, not perfect but close, nothing new, just celebrating with a bunch of close friends in our hotel room, spending the night talking shits and laughing 2007 away. Oh, by the way, there was one big chunk of wood in the hotel room for reasons unknown. Obviously, wood do not speak nor know how to have fun so that really sucks balls. But other than that, our night had been all good, better than last year when two idiots decided to get on each other over a stupid parking lot. Nevermind that. I should stop being vague.

So review, 2007, damn I've got so much to write about I don't know where to start. And to be honest, I don't feel like typing it up because I'm really sleepy now and I don't see the point. 2007 haven't been as adventurous as 2006 I suppose, and by adventurous I actually mean crappy kind of adventure, so I guess that's a good thing. If 2006 was a loud crap, 2007 is kind of like a silent crap but still, it's crap, that kind of slow crap building up, little by little and becomes a big load of crap. I don't know if it make sense but 2007 had been surprisingly quiet, although it's not like it had been smooth sail, but things had gone a little low profile this year. Some misadventures, some bad decisions but I'm not feeling all that bad because I know I'm not the only one saying this. Oh my god, did I not mention the dramas ?, it's the prime time real life dramas. Man that was some intense shit, only if I could nominate these guys for Emmy awards, I would nominate all of them. I mean it's real life, real time dramas, seriously, you can't buy this shit anywhere.

And there is work, or career or whatever you call it to sound nicer or professional, had been pretty good too. Although I complaint frequently about work, I know I have learn a lot more than I have expected working in the company. I know my knowledge on the profession is still rather raw but I think I am moving in good directions. I am still learning new things, I am slowly jumping out of my comfort zone, slowly, but as long as I am, that would be enough because it's always nice to get caught up in a glimpse of hope, and with much blind faith, I hope things will happen for me this year.

So other than that, I found myself investing my savings on my hobbies: Photography and aquarium fishes. No regrets, I guess it's the only thing that could keep me sane all this time because non of these require any human interaction. Relationships make me sick. I mean, sick to my stomach sick. People fuck up all the time, I fuck up all the time, over and over again I don't know why I bother in the first place. I mean, the process of getting into it and the whole patching up thing is mentally exhausting and when it happen over and over again, at one point, I just feel like giving it up. I am short fused, relationship frightens me, in a way. I am comfortable with strangers because parting is easy, because we remain reserved and cautious. But when it goes deeper than the surface, things start to go wrong, when we let ourself off guard, demon craws, everything is doomed. I am way out of the topic.

I lost two dear friends in 2007 too, Matt and David. Our path crossed briefly but it had been wonderful and I missed you two more than ever. I have never questioned life more than I do today since the two of you are gone and it frightens me so much.

I'm getting a bit depressed so I'll have to stop here although I really do feel like retrospecting all of 2007 here because it's like a whole year worth of writing material but I am pretty sure I'll never get it done so just forget it, plus I don't want to spend too much time writing this up since I've got shit loads of stuff I need to sort out like my annual shitlist and annual album list yadda yadda, not like anyone give a shit anyways but I do take my annual review very seriously and I shall have them posted as soon as I get around to it.

Last but not least, I wish everyone a very happy new year and I hope 2008 will be a great year for all us. Too much shit has happened last year, so a Good Luck would be appropriate. All of us needed this.

Ta.