I'm Back

First update after one full month of living in hell,
here's something for starters,




Design is finally over, well not only design, basiclly i'm done for the semester so there are lot of thoughts that I wanted to put out here. here's my work for this semester








The thing is,I dont know what to do next year or the year after. I dont know if i am ready to work, maybe I am but stepping over the threshold always seemed kinda akward. As much as I wanted to finish all five years, I really kinda doubt that if I am able to do it. Perhaps, yeah maybe, if I have the will to hold on and keep going for two more years but it has kinda been a drag this semester (D6). And I definetly do not want to do it for the sake of doing it, which if that is the case, I wouldnt be able to produce any good work, plus it's BArch, which I am not ready to take the risk(grade wise). I dont know why, I didnt expect me,myself would ever lost the niche. Well its not to say that I lost interest in architecture it's just that Im burnt out already. People have been telling me I spent too much time in the studio, which I had to agree, but that's the way it works, for me though if I were to be productive.

Besides that, wow this has been a really eventful semester. Lets forget about the grief of design and workloads, the amount bitching that has been going in the studio was "wow-ly" unbeleieveable. Like I said, design's been a drag, other papers been crap, Id have to find some ways to escape from it. So I bitch and bitch and bitch about people. Thinking about it, there were so many things to bitch about, like who's slut and who's sluttier, those decietful, lowgrade architecture shenanigans, and of course, the king of the crops would be the mr. bitched-about- you know what I'm sayin. It's amazing how this group of people, who are meant to be in studio, working on design, spent hours bitching about other people. Yeah it's a fun thing to do. I dont know about other's but I bitch because I felt insecure, I guess we all are insecure in this superficial reality. Hence we bitch, so people would appear to be more pathetic than us. Maybe, but anyway keeping on track, to be honest, studio time has never been this good before. Maybe it's not just me huh, that's tired of doing design. Definetly not. People like Soo, James, Sajeev actually felt that way too. I guess it was because I have been doing this for 3 years, non stop and kinda get sick of it. The longest break I get is 3 months in between years, and besides that my life basically revolve around studio and design. It is in fact pretty tiring. And another thing is, the system of the school. Well not exactly the system but its just how it is. People always tends to look at the veil instead of making an effort to look whats behind it. In other words, if your presenation is freakin awesome, bang A+ to go. I just thought it is really unfair to do that, when a student put so much effort during the whole semester, only to be graded by the presentation. What the fuck? I guess like Soo said, this is the game we have to play, but its a choice we have to make, do we want to create a blind architecture, that looked pretty on a paper or can we make architecture with self intergrity? I guess this is a hard choice to make because as a student, grade is always a seductive factor. So its really fucked

And another thing that pisses me off is the people here (doesnt apply to everyone). It is just amazing what people would do to get on to the top. Stuff were copied directly from a book and just basicly every single thing that I can think off, there is just someone to piss me off. Not that it had anything to do with me, thought it did happen, but I mean it's just so unfair and its making me really sick of the people here. I guess it will be the same everywhere and there is really nothing I can do about it. I will just have to live with it. How decietful.

And there is the decision of to leave or not. Mum called the other day telling me to finish another two years. YeaH cool, I mean I dont know if I can do it really. grr...
And there come Bloc Party, almost felt like they're singing it to me
two more years... two more years..

In two more years,
my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say, 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever,
this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years
so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime,
my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over,
remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love,
this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last for ever,
this pain won't last for ever

Two more years...

You don't need to find answers
for questions never asked of you
You don't need to find answers

dead weights and balloons
drag me to you
dead weights and balloons
to sleep in your arms
i've become crueler since i met you
ive become rougher, this world is killing me

we cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
we try to remember our alibis
we tell lies to our parents we hide in their rooms
we bury our secrets in the garden
of course we could never make this love last
i said of course we could never make this love last
the only love we know is love for ourselves
we bury our secrets in the garden

Soo cracked up when she heard the song. Its pretty funny come to think of it.