One, Two, and Three.

It's Broken Beaker's 3rd Birthday.

Holy fuck, I've been keeping this damn blog up for 3 years now. That's pretty amazing I must say.

KARMA IS A FUCKING BITCH

I feel like I have been stalked.

Tonight, while I was at a friend's birthday dinner, someone decided to send me some anonymous text messages, and the content of it went pretty ugly, which at some point in the text exchange it involved some mother-fucking and father-fucking, and I find myself seriously bugged by this mysterious textathone the entire night.

First of all I hated it when people send me random messages and not disclosing themselves. I am not saying I get these messages all the time, in fact it had only happened once a year or something like that and I usually get over it pretty quickly. The thing about it is that it's actually quite scary when that person that sent you those random messages sort of know a little about you and they make damn sure in the text that you know they know you so that it lingers and fucks with your mind a little. It's like someone who has been so horny but hasn't got laid like in a million years decided to get off by mind-fucking you, and then cum all over your brain. It's weird and it's my problem too because I love to mind fuck people too, which then you could probably tell how much fun I have been having with my hand lately and karma has this sort of crazy way of getting back at me.

But then that's the thing with people, they never get confrontational. No one really ever go 'Hey you know what? I really hate you and your silly humongous ass and you know what I have been hating you all these years, there you have it' although I find that most people love phrasing 'If you've got something to say about me, you better say it right here in my face' without having to realize that the truth actually shrinks their balls. What most people would do is that they sneak behind your back and throw a big bitch-fest for you, and haven't we all done that ? oh, it was so much fun. Not that I enjoy confronting people, mind you. All I am saying is that I hated it when people starts going all psychological bullshit with me and fucking with my thoughts, I hated it when I couldn't find a solution to an answer, ultimately I hated it when something happened, I didn't know how it started or why it happened. It's like the kind of feeling you get in one of those pre-diarrhea moments when you feel like you need to shit real bad but it's just not quite there yet but it's getting there, but not quite. It fucking sucks.

I'm used to it though, it's just that it sucks to have let something like this ruined my entire night out and it sucks that I couldn't help myself to drop it and move on because every single thing people said about me bugs me. I wish I was one of those that doesn't give a fuck about what you said. I do, and I care a lot and that is why I am mentally fucked because imagine if 4 person said something bad about me in one day, my brain would've need to process 4 different incidents, 4 different things, sometimes when it's related, I just need to put it together to make sense but it's a lot of work to do. Like once in a while, people would come to me and say some really disparaging things about me, or my family or friends. Sometimes it ended pretty, sometimes it's sticky, and most of the time, I'll get over it. It's just how relationship works isn't it? While your having a wonderful relationship here, you are fucking up another relationship there at the same time.

Ah, how I hate dealing with all these mess.

Press CTRL + Z to Undo

Don't we all just love the undo command? Every time I did something wrong, I just simply press ctrl-z and waa laa, I just undid the parts I wish to delete. But there are times when I was just so immersed in finishing my work only to realize that I've made a mistake somewhere along the way and finding myself pressing the keyboard like a mad man to find out where did I make the mistake. And by the way, did you know the amount of times you can undo on one application is actually based on how much memory that program is used to store the working history? Some let you undo 50 times, some let you undo 5 times, some doesn't even undo. And when you chances of undoing ended before you managed to recover those many wrongs, wouldn't you just close the application and start from scratch again? Or perhaps just leave it because you can't be fucked anymore. For me, both, depending on the scenario of course.

Jealousy 101: What The Fuck is Jealousy!?

Here's an article I found on overcoming Jealousy, for those who have a problem with jealousy that is.

What is Jealousy?
by Susie and Otto Collins

Marianne Williamson says, "Everything we do is either an act of love or a cry for help." The Course of Miracles says there are only two emotions: love and fear.

It's been our experience that what's underneath jealousy is fear of one kind or another. Jealousy is about real or imagined fears--fear of abandonment, fear of loss of love, fear of being dishonored in the relationship, fear of being shamed in the community, unresolved issues from past relationships, lack issues, poor self esteem, cover or mask for things from the past that you haven't healed yet, vindictive or a desire for revenge that is misguided or misdirected toward someone else.

When jealous feelings come up, it's usually because we're afraid that we won't get our needs of one kind or another met. It's been our experience that when jealousy comes up, somewhere within us, we are crying out for help.

Jealousy usually seems to result from a couple of different scenarios:

There is "proof" or at least a strong suspicion that agreements and commitments between two people have actually been broken by one of them or …

It shows up when one person or both people in the relationship are very insecure in their relationship or in life. Jealous feelings come up with a partner, or others, whose actions haven't warranted it.

Whatever is going on--whether the jealousy is "warranted" or not--fear is at the bottom of those feelings and there's a lot more going on than what is on the surface. Until we look at those fears and begin to heal them, no matter what relationship we're in, jealousy will creep in again and again.

In their descriptions about their jealousy challenges, many people talk about "withdrawing," "getting quiet," "becoming numb," "saying things they didn't mean" and "lashing out." These behaviors are all ways to shield, protect and insulate themselves from the pain they are feeling inside themselves.

These things they are doing also create a serious impact on their relationships.

If jealousy is an issue in your life, we suggest that you try to understand your behavior and what's underneath it and then you can begin to take steps to heal it.

You see, ms Susie and Otto Collins, how can we develop feeling of jealousy when the relationship doesn't even exist?

USE YOUR BFF AT THE COST OF NOTHING!

We are so totally like BFF'S right, I mean you and me and like everyone. So we should really just fucking use each other, you know right, because that's like what BFFs do right? And it doesn't really matter what you ask for right, I am like so totally your BFF, I will just fucking help you realize your masterplan ain't it? And when it all went down the drain, I'd be at your side tell you the world is fucked up right, and there's always another chance, right? And you'd be like, you are so fucking right, I will not give up, because I'm so fucking desperate, right, and you'd be like, oh gosh, your totally my BFF, like FOREVER, right? And then, when I asked for your help, you'd be like, oh gosh so sorry, I've just been really so fucking busy planning yet my next fucking masterplan, and of course as your BFF, I really shouldn't stand in your way, right, and I'd be like, yeah it's okay, I'll just fucking ask my other BFF then because I've got plenty anyways, so it just doens't really matter which one I asked help from because as BFF's we really shouldn't be counting how much I've given and how much you've taken right, because that's so totally not something BFF do right? So like this is us, the BFF, we use each other for the love of god, for like there's no tomorrow.

Mother Betty is one of a kind. When you feel like you're alone and really emotional, Mother Betty will show you what emo really means, this guy is mother of all emos because he does not act like an emo, he is born natural emo. Other than that, Mother Betty is also a professional, majoring in Management. He can manage basically everything that is why he is the Mother of us all. Amen. Call 1-800-SELF-HATE

Loke, is like a football genius, but being great at football doesn't do you anything good right, coz it's his skill not your skill, unless your a football manager right, so unless you decided to become a football manager and have him play for your damn team, Loke has got something else for everyone to use. Now, the perk is that if you need someone to do a backdrop for whatever function, he's the guy your looking for. Like when your employee is getting married, or when your dog is dead and needed a decent tombstone, Loke could totally work magic on backdrops. Call 1-800-LOKE-YOUR-DOOR

Self-prolaimed Turbo Tiong, roams around the dark gate his white horse (Wira 2002), yes very fierce this guy is. He can be your furious driver, you know, like sending your kids to school, taking your dogs to the vet, he is naturally talented. He also possess the skills of equipment keeping, so if you need someone to be in the store all day long, this could be your guy, though, according to him, the store must made of see through glass because his face too engtau to be hidden behind concrete wall. Call 1-800-2-TIONG-2-FURIOUS

Weibro have some really hot connections with all the lions and lioness, so please use him to get you somewhere. This guy is just multi-purpose because his repertoire includes: conducting a meeting, be the president, or treasurer, or secretary, or anything you want him to be. Call 1-800-WEI-DON-LIKE-DAT.

And me, I'm the design guy. Yah I know, it's so lame calling myself that, but I'm pretty good at taking care of things that needed to be designed. Ask me to design anything, you know maybe the wallpaper of your dog's house, or what color scheme your toilet should be, you know, just anything at all . And please, feel free to take my design and trash it, now that's why I'm here. Call 1-800-TRASH-MY-SHIT

If you acquire all of our skills, feel free to use us at no cost at all, just because we are fucking BFF's, we should really just use each other. Thank You is not required at the end of our service.

and I am beat. off to sleep bitches, I don't give a shit too.

New blog alert.

Please visit my friend, Oojio Nanabe's new blog - Myworld. Be careful, he is very pek cek indeed.

Just exactly who the F is Damien!?

Come out, come out, and identify yourself, you sneaky little crack up.

As bad as this might come out, sometimes I really wish everyone would just fuck the hell off my face. I'm so tired of wearing my smiles for you all when everything you see is on the surface. Try open me up and see me bleed. Try stabbing me and watch me scream in agony.

Everything is a big fucking lie, and I am stupid enough to belief that is all true, until today, when you finally put on your spectacular little show what your capable of, despite our friendship, as much as you know it's going to hurt me.Fuck you all.

Weekend Photos.

Night out at the ridiculously over-priced Halo cafe.First time there since it opened couple of months ago. Place was alright, band wasn't god-awful, but they can't sing most of the songs we requested, so, hmmph..

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Then, later that night is our little Mooncake-Lantern-whatever Festival, just the few of us looking really stupid and retarded, but it was all good fun. Honestly, I haven't seen one of those old-school paper lantern in ages, I mean do people really still carry em around during Mooncake festival? But, of course, tonight was about good ol times, so we bought some of those paper lanterns (which are really really cheap by the way) and head of to the beach around 1 in the morning. Thank god there was nobody at the beach to make us look stupid.

The Penis Song [NSFW]

Warning: NSFW !



This, by any means, is not my '07 Singles post, but I wish it'd ended up there. It's hilarious. Hm, I didn't know Selma Blair is so.. naughty. hm..

Hell NO!

Having 2 bosses is pretty much like, having two mothers, although I've never had two moms before, but I suppose it'd be kind of ummph and ugggh.

But of course, I'm referring to my bosses, I never know which one to follow, especially when one of them is never around and another one is always around. I always listen to the one who is always around, just because, you know, he is always around. But when the one that is never around, is around, I have to listen to him, because apparently, I'm like his bitch assistant. And most of the time, the two of them like to contradict each other.

So basically, more often than sometimes, I need to do my work twice, because usually, whenever I have questions for the one that is never around, he is never around, so I need to ask the one who is always around. But, usually, the one who is always around doesn't really know what sort of stuff I'm dealing with, since I'm not his assistant officially, but felt like he is obliged to answer my question, I usually ended up doing something totally different than what the one who is never around expect of me.

Usually, the one who is always around would tell me to just do it, or "It looked alright to me" and then, the one who is never around would usually go, "Wrong! Stop. This is not what I wanted, do you understand what I told you the other day?" And I was like, "but.......the one who is always around said...", but of course I never said this to either one of them, because, one thing I found out about bosses, in general, or people who wanted to become bosses, they usually developed some kind of tumor in their head called SNOB. First, they are never wrong, no matter how wrong they are. Second, they don't take excuses, like buts or uggh, they make everything looked like your fault, and they take credits for things they thought were good, ideas or designs for instance.

The thing is, doing things twice is fine by me, really, when my work schedules aren't too tight. But when both of them contradicts each other, and the client need to see the stuff - you know, any stuff at all, like in two hours, I feel like I'd rather just put a bullet in my head and die.

They have no idea how annoying this is, when it's practically impossible in every single sense in the world to get it done because the time they've given me to finish the whole thing is pretty much like asking me to shit and wipe my ass clean in 30 seconds. Imagine a concept, a full zoning plan, plus a design report with fancy pictures, and some serious writings no one gives a shit about, in two hours, and I'm not talking about some little cottages, I'm talking about something close to urban design of a Cultural center. It's funny because, people like them who have had years of experience still doesn't know how long it would take to prepare things like this. I mean, we all went through hell college, and we know how much time is needed to prepare finals. Cut the design process - it would've taken at least 2 or 3 days to come out with a barely decent presentation. Of course, there is always another option of presenting a D grade report, no worries, but I'd rather slit my throat than make myself do something so unimaginably horrid. It's just the kind of a shame I cannot deal with.

Independence and Imperfection.

It rained again tonight.

Little drops that mangled into strays of bursting light and vanishes into smokes and ashes before touches the ground I stood. It was, really, a spectacular night tonight, relentlessly blinding with unforgiving beauty.

There's too much, the eyes, once blinded, adapt and acclimatise, then we start feeling the space we all stood, the space between us, the proximity between us, emitting bodily heat.

Light keeps on bursting, rains keep pouring, merciless, even in a deluge of people, almost everyone is experiencing the moment through their view finder, or their cellphone, collecting megapixel memories. But yet, strangely enough tonight, it was just the four of us.

Merdeka. For me, for Us, for our country

Feeling the moment slip away like a flowing tap, footsteps fast and steady, we run like little kids in rain. We sat down sipping our drinks with water dripping from our forehead, out shirt wet and damp, and it doesn't bother us. We laughed at the drama that was on TV, it doesn't bother us. It was nostalgic, jump back 7 years, when we used to parade in rain, when life is too simple to bother us. It made me realize, our life falls apart, our day differs, we age, we move on, but there's a small part inside that remains untouched, the one that never grow up.

And I am on burst-fire mode.

Grumpy, like thick, dense, greyish clouds before the storm. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop when Tsunami hit's Indonesia, and the world doesn't stop when Katrina wiped New Orleans. Why should our world stop because you decided to pull a dark cloud over your face? No, I don't have a girlfriend that resides thousand miles away, and no, I certainly do not understand what it felt like to have a girlfriend resides thousand miles away, life must be so hard for you. Life is hard for me to. How do we compare? How do we measure? At least I don't try to make the world stop for me.

Funny isn't it? Having a girlfriend/ boyfriend overseas is like the best reason of all time you could always use when you feel like ditching your friends. I could only imagine. Now I understand the peril of technology. Apparently, its true that people would choose a cellphone over a human.

I have been sick, I took a zap yesterday afternoon and I was practically paralyzed the whole day, I stayed in bed, but come night falls, the idea of going out excites and I feel better again. I was sick this morning, because apparently, I have a nasty infection on my throat, but, I make an effort to go out. What's worst than being sick is being alone, at home. It has always worked for me that way, when I'm sick, I go out, I enjoy myself, and guess what, I feel so much better. I try not to miss out, because it'd by my lost if I did, and even if I did, I don't complain, like some people does. It's daft, because they think the world, it actually revolves around them and not the sun.

Don't get me wrong, I am not sick of you, maybe one day when I'm sick of cigarettes, I will. But that is not going to happen any time soon. I'm just annoyed, like sometimes, I am annoyed how expensive cigarettes are these days, but I still buy them, and I still need them.

It all boils down to one conclusion, happiness is not rocket science, sometimes, being with the right people, at the right time is happiness. It's spontaneous. That said, thank you for disappearing today. I just cannot imagine how much of a burden it would've been for us to put up with your shit face the entire night. You just did us all a big favor. Thank you. Thank You.

Imperfection is life,

I know,

That is why, at the end of the day, we pretend,

We pretend nothing ever happened,

Everything falls back into place.

And that scares me.

Temptations.

The night craws beyond the thick clouds, moonlight penetrates trough the dense moist layers, diffused and scattered over the misty air. Street lamps shone harsh, shadows on the ground kept still, small drops of rain cripples the form of darkness, blurred edge and head zipped in the drain, body's upside down, the air would not suffice.

The streets, they are narrow, cars parked both sides, opposite faced. The streets, they are empty, doors sealed shut, windowpane rusts, and glazed with thick secrets too dark for the night. The trees, the cars, the buildings, the people and their thoughts ricochet and swirl. All the nasty stains, they will come out.

The ground I once stood, flutters, they crack, and they break. The lights on the street skimming voiceless souls. Silence dribbles in opulence, body stood still on the makeshift platform, minds wonders, too painful to bear, much like tiny red hot glowing needles penetrating the skull.

Nothing to worry about,

I realize I haven't intended to stay this long. Flashlight popped, bodies hurling back and forth. Underneath their feet, the earth vibrated a common joy, and above, white splotches of light, scatters, and they grow, on top of one another, hovering within one another. Arms were flailing widely, mouths chewing hate and spat them out one by one.

If friendship meant obligations, I'd rather not have one.

Toilet Bowl for your Head

Haven't been up top much lately, but I feel the sudden urge to bitch about something that really bugs me.

Enough is enough,

Some people, they fucking annoy me when they like to pretend they know a lot of shit, when the truth is, all they know is how to shit from their mouth. For example, I know some people are gadget-goers, they know a lot about gadgets, they follow the news, they have websites of gadgety news bookmarked, and pretty much made it a routine to check in on a daily basis, now thats fine by me, they love technology, so do I. But apparently some people, they like to think that they know a lot of shit, when they accidentally flipped across a show that showcases the latest gadgets, or maybe overheard someone talking about some kick ass new mp3 player.

They like to think they are like the social antidote that doesn't get hyped about anything at all, like they are so cool when everyone is excited about the latest shit, they pretend like they don't care, when, really, they secretly lust over it and spend hours on the internet digging informations and pictures about it, which can be really sad because most of the times, these people, they could never fit in to any conversations in general because they are like too cool to talk to anyone like, you know, so cool. Usually, people of this kind, they simply cannot resist the temptation to let everyone know just how much shit they have in their head, very opinionated, and love to contradict with the majority.

Exhibit A: At the cinema lobby with a lot of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory posters.

Girl A: OMG, this is coming out next month, I so wanna watch it lahhhh, (girl pointing at the Charlie poster)

Guy who knew everything: Cheh, not nice wan. Stupid wan lah.

Girl A: How you know leh, you watch alredy mehhhhh???

Guy who knew everything: Cheh, I donwan to watch. For kids wan lah.



Exhibit B: iTV is so whatever

Guy 1: Did you see that little iTV, it looked really cool lahhhh.

Guy 2: Yah I got see, but I'm not sure what it's for loh.

(Guy who knew everything quickly barged in)

Guy who knew everything: Apple iTV ? , cheh, lousy wan lah.

Guy 1: You use before meh??

Guy who knew everything: You mean the the white white one right? with the apple sign on top that lights up when u turn it on right?

Guy 1: (doh) Yea lah,

Guy who knew everything: Lousy wan larr.

Guy 1: (doh) x 1000


Exhibit C : iPhone is not much better.

Guy A: OMG, I saw the new iPhone intro clip on Youtube last night. Nice chin lehh.

Guy B: Yah I know man, if I got one can hau lien to other people.

(Guy who knew everything quickly barged in)

Guy who knew everything : Eeww, iPhone louya wan larrr.

Guy A: Why, you got meh? You use before meh? If people give you one see you say lousy or not lah.

Guy who knew everything : No, I heard the critics said really bad things about it lah,

Guy A: (doh)x1000

See, need I say more?

Sometimes it's best to just shut the F up when you don't know anything about what people are talking about. Being humble is always the way to go, bragging about this and that, this sucks that lousy made you look like a fucking retard. It's like asking Britney Spears to judge Celine Dion's singing. Muahahaha, good one.

I think someone's gonna hate me for this,

But,

I'm all like,

Totally W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R

Something very Important.

Heroes (NBC) Season 2
Premiers 24 September 2007

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Prison Break (FOX) Season 3
Premiers 17 September 2007

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Desperate Housewives (ABC) Season 4
Premiers 30 September 2007

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Brothers & Sisters (ABC) Season 2
Premiers 30 September 2007

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Saturday Night Live (NBC) Season 33
Premiers 29 September 2007 (Host: LeBron James)

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CSI:Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) Season 8
Premiers 27 September 2007

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CSI: NY (CBS) Season 4
Premiers 26 September 2007

Considering:

Private Practice (ABC) Season 1
Premiers 26 September 2007

Ugly Betty Season 2 (ABC) Season 2
Premiers 27 September 2007

Grey's Anatomy (ABC) Season 4
Premiers 27 Septemver 2007

The Architect

Can I call myself an architect?

Please do not laugh, I've got a career closely associated with the title.

Yes. It's embarrassing, I think calling yourself an architect is like, the coolest thing someone could ever said, ever.

Remember the architect from The Matrix?

He is like my hero.

I am an architect.

I am loving it.

Like yea, whatever.

I designed the room where you fuck, assholes.

Divers F.C.