Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Up until I was 17, I have never cried, I mean not including when I was an infant. I did not cry when my grandfather died, I did not cry when I cut my leg, I did not cry when I burnt my fingers, and I did not cry when I bleed. It was as if nothing gets to me. Life was simple back then, and I was happy back then. I did not cry not because I feel the need to supress myself so others wouldn't think I am wuss. I did not cry because I don't feel there is a need to cry because it is as it is.

But everything seemed different after 17, after I left and came to New Zealand.

I cry and I cry and I cry.

I cried at the airport after I waved my parents goodbye, I cried when I father was mad at me for crashing his car, I cried after I read a book, I cried after I watched a movie, I cried after I watched a TV show, I cried in the bathroom when I took crap, I cried in the studio when I am stucked, I cried in the morning when I wake up, I cried in the afternoon when the depression kicks in, I cried at night when I feel lonely and I cried in the middle of the night when I fear of uncertainties. I cried for no certain reasons.

I cry and I cry and I cry.

The psychologist I used to see once told me "You are a brave young man because you did not hide your feelings." That was after I broke down sobbing like a helpless SOB telling him about my dramatic life story. The comment ain't making me feel better, sorry. I knew that I am like seriously depressed and I knew that it's just a matter of time before I snap and honestly I cannot wait for that day to arrive.

Because it will be the day I stop crying and everyone who loved me starts crying.



And, thanks Dw, you've been the best thing that've happened to me since this year. See you when I see you again.