Mum called today, she was upset, then she made me upset. Felt like I have been living in shadows of doubt whole my life. No one trusted me anyway..I felt like everything that I do is being talked about, is being critisized. Maybe I'm insecure. Suicide. No Joke. It has been ages since this idea came across my mind. I was an unhappy kid, all I think about is taking my life away.. but as I grew up, maybe I'm happier... and the idea just never appeared again. But today, when I hung up all I think of was to die. I want to die. Call me stupid, call me dumb, call me irrational but I find it really hard to live my life. I have been in a serious state of mood swings lately and I just dont want to live anymore.. Maybe I'm weak... all I think of is die when I have problems, couldnt help it. I hate. I hate myself and I hate everyone around me and I want to die, so that people who loved me but doubted me will feel the pain. I want them to dwell in regret for causing my death. Fuck them all. I am selfish. I want to live my life, but people around me wouldnt let me. Alternative, I kill them all. Screw it.
It would be really great to just leave everything behind ... right now,
But I am a coward. I am too afraid to take my own life away. Somebody please do it for me...
Kill me.
Current song playing : Bad Religion - Empire Strikes First.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
I Need To Be Happy.... PT4 > Suicide
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
ppl around u arn't cruel but the reality is. try hard on focusing the Happy part of life altho it is only a tiny bit out of the whole thing.
i used to think what ppl who know me will feel if im no longer in this world anymore...will i watch they sob, or my deadth would just become a topic of gossip....think too much ...
rei thats exactly what im talking about. But for people that loves you, they will feel pain, and regret for the rest of their life, thinking that they are the cause to all this
com on my dears!!! one day we will all die its just the question of when and how. living might not be as pleasent but noone knows about dying either. DONT THINK TOO MUCH NIGEL. think abt friends...good memories...etc...^O^ =.=" >_<
my dear fan,
sometimes friends brings really painful memories too. I know what your trying to say, look at the bright side, but its just not me. You know how melo-dramatic and emotional i can get sometimes. BUT it is true, the pain is deep down from my heart.
Post a Comment