Buying houses are becoming an increasingly popular thing to do these days, much like how people would go out and buy new rolls of toilet paper. It’s not something you do everyday, but you kind of just bought one when you need one. Like those two BFF ladies in their mid-20s who drop by the other day to have their internal space designed because they just bought a house next to each other, like totally whatever. “I want them to be funky and playful, you know, to suit our age” one of them said. Then there’s this other client, Malay who just bought an old detached house near the beach, who wants his interior to feel very asiany and tropical. He would love to have different species of plants planted around his house, from front porch to the back yard, he hope to achieve a “jungle” look.
Usually, the trends of interior design in our beloved Malaysia are very easy to pick up. Chinese would go for a more conservative modern look and Malays would go for lush tropical look i.e. the jungle look. As for lakias and Indians, I have never personally dealt with one of them, but I assume they’d go for something haphazard, a mixture of all kind of styles because these people are lost in their life; they just seemed to want everything.
While some home are built to suit their owners, some owners live to suit their built house. Usually, living space will acquire the personalities of their owners over time. However, in most cases, people who don’t know what they want, or are too ignorant as to what kind of environment suits them best will perpetually struggle to fit into the space customized for them. Most of the time, interior designers have a lot of freedom in the design process when facing clients who have no idea what kind of look to go for. And usually, they’d manage to convince the clients by showing them some shiny images of immaculate designed spaces from the latest Trends magazines.
Tucked away in expensive districts are rich towke in bright flowery Versace shirts with white tennis shorts who wrap their Chinese antiques in old news paper and keep them behind the white cabinets that flush perfectly with the walls in their newly designed minimalist home. The aunty next door so angry because they have to stash away hundreds of pairs of expensive shoes in cabinets that are specially designed to look like a wall, until you open them, instead of having a rack to display them openly to their other pat-po friends. Then there’s your classmate, the avid toy collector who have to arrange their collection in cupboards that look like the wall, until you open them, of course. These are a few very bad examples of interior design gone wrong, and there’s no cure when everything’s been done and it’s contagious and has been spreading like a plague around neighborhoods.
But then the worst thing are designers who like to pretend to be hip by literally copying every single detailing from magazines and come up with their own sets of templates of pre-determined design styles, from which they will happily apply to any given home. It’s an exceptionally time saving way of designing when the designer is coping with several different interior projects. Plus interior design is hard sell today, at least in the beloved Malaysia because we are moving furiously forward as a nation who loves to imitate other culture. People would happily give in to nicely designed interiors because at the back of their head, they think about how their friend would react when they see the new house rather where how their son would feel to have their toys stuffed underneath the bed.
Of course, if your designer showed you one of the following pre-determined styles, do not bother having them changed because they are ruthless creative-amputees who won’t give you anything new. So instead of amending the design, these are few crucial tips to follow to achieve the desired look for your new home.
As Mies Van Der Rohe always said, "Less is More", minimalist adapt this motto as the main criteria of design, all unnecessary elements must be eliminated, and living space is stripped to the most basic, hassle free environment.
Much like the theme itself, minimalist is actually a rather easy and efficient style to adopt if one seeks a simple/minimal way of living. Minimalist will have very little options of furniture, foods, clothing and groceries to choose from. Minimalist is also ideal for loners who doesn’t have anyone to take care of and would not want to have kids in the future as colors of toys will not be appropriate for the interior. Generally, home owner must avoid shopping at all cost, because most groceries packaging contains too many colors that would be damaging to the interior. Inhabitants are not encouraged to eat within the house as the color of the food will not match the white minimalist surroundings.
To live in a minimalist space, home owner must first learn to think invisibility. Shoe, Kitchen, storage and miscellaneous cabinets, cupboards, wardrobes, all rooms (master bedroom included), toilet, and other miscellaneous door must flush perfectly with the walls with invisible door handles (use a magnetic catch instead) and preferably with invisible outlines.
Closet must flush perfectly with the wall. Closet must ONLY be filled with clothing of either back or white, one piece. Patters must be avoided. Cloth hanger must be either stainless steel, or black or white only (available from Ikea RM20 for 5 hangers). Any cloth of different color must be eliminated before moving into to newly designed space. Minimalist home owner are advised to purchase their clothing from funeral home.
All family portraits displayed must be in black and white format on black or white frame. Artworks must be considered carefully before purchase, ideally minimalist artwork, like a splash of black ink on canvas. Anything from Andy Warhol must be forbidden inside the house.
If possible, ceiling must be designed as high as possible, and holes can be cut on ceiling on specific locations, so during a certain time of the day, there will be a light beam cast on the wall. For best results, cut at least 6 holes to get at least 6 natural light beams.
All bedrooms, study room and entertainment room must be hidden behind white walls. Any other extra spaces must also be hidden behind white walls can be used for storage purpose; everything that is not black, or white can be stored in the room. Owner with kids can lock their children inside and use it as children's play room as most kid will vandalize any walls if given the freedom to roam free anywhere in the house. Door to these rooms must not be visible to the eyes. To enter a room, keep pushing along the white wall until a "door" pops out. Hopefully, it's the right room / cabinet.
All light switches, power points and network access points MUST be concealed from sight.
Electronics from Apple Inc are highly recommended for minimalist interior.
Last but not least, bear in mind that owner must move in without any possessions. If valuable antiques is in possession, ideal place to store them would be in maid’s room or guest’s toilet, given the condition that the maid room and guest’ toilet is detached from the main house; otherwise they shall be placed in the storage room behind the wall as well.
Gain inspiration from History of architecture books.
Important: If planning to build a new house, location of the house must be considered beforehand. For best results, built house next to a cemetery. For classical style, the relationship of exterior (facade), landscaping and interior MUST go hand in hand.
For landscaping, construct a maze with shrubs and hedges in front garden. Please allow a generous amount of clearance from front gate to main entrance for mazes to achieve the desired look. Import plastered statues of fallen angles and Greek gods and place them randomly around the hedges. Statues must not look new; and if they do, try chopping off their arms or heads before displaying. For the more adventurous, two stone lions can be installed at the main gate posts. Lions must be at least 7 feet tall.
For exterior design, use as many Greek columns as possible. For a more simplistic look, use Doric columns. Ionic column can be applied if owner wish to go for grandeur. Introduce a 2 dimensional pediment to jut out from the flat roof. If budget permits, gargoyles can be introduced at every corners of the house. For more grandeur, try importing statue of Zeus on the roof of main entrance.
For the interior, construct a grand staircase, visible from the living room with flowery patterns plastered on it. This grand staircase must look down into water feature with a statue of boy pissing continuously, situated directly below a gigantum chandelier of at least 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide that is suspended in a triple volume space of nothingness.
Fake antiques, European furniture (preferably L - Shaped sofa from Ikea) can be used in the living room, which flaunts a home theater system with a projection screen for karaoke purposes. Furniture should sit on a tiger skin rug. Ceiling must be of suspended with custom plastered flowery patterns. All space must feature a chandelier, sizes appropriate according to room size. All additional ambient lightings must be concealed behind plastered ceilings. As for the flooring, use nothing but marbles. Bathrooms must feature gigantic bathtubs enough to fit 4 people with gold coated taps. Also note that all door handles, must also be gold coated.
Paintings from Renaissance period can be placed around the interior, the more the better. If wall runs out of space for display, paintings can be placed on the floor leaning against the wall. All paintings must be framed with gold coated timber frame with carved flowery patterns (From Ikea). Modern painting must be avoided at all cost. Family portraits must be oil-painted, on gold coated timber frame with carved flowery patterns.
Closets must be filled with single colored polo shirts and owner must possess at least 5 shirts of same colors and must purchase at least 5 different colors to achieve desired look for your closet. Shoes must be black lather polished to reflect like a mirror. For best results, purchase several golf shoes and place them next to your shiny leather shoe. Master bedroom should have a mannequin to hang scarves.
Note: For best results, wait a year after the new house is built before moving in to allow dusts to set on furniture and statues and enough time to allow crawling plants to grow on walls and columns. Must hire a gardener when moving in. Hire at least 4 maids and have them wear black dress with white laced apron slip-ons.
See minimalist style. Apply the same principles. For this style, timber flooring and birch wood veneer on selected cabinets and birch wood platforms for all bedrooms are de rigueur.
Do not use any bed frames. Place mattresses on the floor. Display one paper lantern (from ikea) in each room next to the mattress. For best results, place several books written by Dalai Lama next to your bed. Alternatively, Karma sutra books. Use only white bed sheets. Position occasional pots of dried branches twigs in carefully selected corners. Absolutely refrain from any fluorescent lights. Only tungsten lights should be used in all spaces.
Use white pebbles in abundance. Cut holes of 1 feet deep, 3 feet wide (length varies according to size of main door) in front of your main door and fill them with white pebbles. Apply white pebbles on selected corners, underneath suspended cabinets, on table tops, shower trays and beside staircases if applicable. Optional: Allow wider gaps in the flooring if more stones are desired.
Chinese paintings can be displayed around the house. Indian karma sutra is another viable option.
Cover one wall adjacent to two white ones with orange wallpaper with circular patterns on it. Accessories the space with a Pastille or globe chair, a carpet of more circular patterns (from ikea), a circular white coated pendant lamp (from ikea) and a plasma TV beside a lava lamp. Make circular holes in the wall as and when necessary. For furniture and fixtures, choose orange when in doubt. When in architectural doubts, make orange circles.
A cabinet should be customized to display Vinyl collections. Collections must contain materials from Patti Smith, PJ Harvey and Sonic Youth. A record player, preferably in a globe stand, with glossy orange surface and translucent cover must be placed next to the record player.
Coffee table must be made of stainless steel. Mirror can be used as opposed to glass if owner wish to use cocaine in the living room.
Andy Warhol artwork would be a perfect choice for the interiors.
Owners are advised to shop at second hand shops.
Keep at least one roof pitched, construct koi pond against a textured stone wall (preferably with sprouting water), and use timber in abundance - columns, railings, flooring, frames of doors and windows etc.
For the living room, a wooden opium bed/ daybed and a Persian carpet are recommended. An outdoor patio made of timber decking and two timber deck chairs are mandatory. Bathrooms must feature skylight and must be filled with pebbles/ stones. Garnish with Balinese sculptures randomly both inside out.
Most importantly, plant a jungle around the house, both inside and outside.
Usually, the trends of interior design in our beloved Malaysia are very easy to pick up. Chinese would go for a more conservative modern look and Malays would go for lush tropical look i.e. the jungle look. As for lakias and Indians, I have never personally dealt with one of them, but I assume they’d go for something haphazard, a mixture of all kind of styles because these people are lost in their life; they just seemed to want everything.
While some home are built to suit their owners, some owners live to suit their built house. Usually, living space will acquire the personalities of their owners over time. However, in most cases, people who don’t know what they want, or are too ignorant as to what kind of environment suits them best will perpetually struggle to fit into the space customized for them. Most of the time, interior designers have a lot of freedom in the design process when facing clients who have no idea what kind of look to go for. And usually, they’d manage to convince the clients by showing them some shiny images of immaculate designed spaces from the latest Trends magazines.
Tucked away in expensive districts are rich towke in bright flowery Versace shirts with white tennis shorts who wrap their Chinese antiques in old news paper and keep them behind the white cabinets that flush perfectly with the walls in their newly designed minimalist home. The aunty next door so angry because they have to stash away hundreds of pairs of expensive shoes in cabinets that are specially designed to look like a wall, until you open them, instead of having a rack to display them openly to their other pat-po friends. Then there’s your classmate, the avid toy collector who have to arrange their collection in cupboards that look like the wall, until you open them, of course. These are a few very bad examples of interior design gone wrong, and there’s no cure when everything’s been done and it’s contagious and has been spreading like a plague around neighborhoods.
But then the worst thing are designers who like to pretend to be hip by literally copying every single detailing from magazines and come up with their own sets of templates of pre-determined design styles, from which they will happily apply to any given home. It’s an exceptionally time saving way of designing when the designer is coping with several different interior projects. Plus interior design is hard sell today, at least in the beloved Malaysia because we are moving furiously forward as a nation who loves to imitate other culture. People would happily give in to nicely designed interiors because at the back of their head, they think about how their friend would react when they see the new house rather where how their son would feel to have their toys stuffed underneath the bed.
Of course, if your designer showed you one of the following pre-determined styles, do not bother having them changed because they are ruthless creative-amputees who won’t give you anything new. So instead of amending the design, these are few crucial tips to follow to achieve the desired look for your new home.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Mies Van Der Rohe always said, "Less is More", minimalist adapt this motto as the main criteria of design, all unnecessary elements must be eliminated, and living space is stripped to the most basic, hassle free environment.
Much like the theme itself, minimalist is actually a rather easy and efficient style to adopt if one seeks a simple/minimal way of living. Minimalist will have very little options of furniture, foods, clothing and groceries to choose from. Minimalist is also ideal for loners who doesn’t have anyone to take care of and would not want to have kids in the future as colors of toys will not be appropriate for the interior. Generally, home owner must avoid shopping at all cost, because most groceries packaging contains too many colors that would be damaging to the interior. Inhabitants are not encouraged to eat within the house as the color of the food will not match the white minimalist surroundings.
To live in a minimalist space, home owner must first learn to think invisibility. Shoe, Kitchen, storage and miscellaneous cabinets, cupboards, wardrobes, all rooms (master bedroom included), toilet, and other miscellaneous door must flush perfectly with the walls with invisible door handles (use a magnetic catch instead) and preferably with invisible outlines.
Closet must flush perfectly with the wall. Closet must ONLY be filled with clothing of either back or white, one piece. Patters must be avoided. Cloth hanger must be either stainless steel, or black or white only (available from Ikea RM20 for 5 hangers). Any cloth of different color must be eliminated before moving into to newly designed space. Minimalist home owner are advised to purchase their clothing from funeral home.
All family portraits displayed must be in black and white format on black or white frame. Artworks must be considered carefully before purchase, ideally minimalist artwork, like a splash of black ink on canvas. Anything from Andy Warhol must be forbidden inside the house.
If possible, ceiling must be designed as high as possible, and holes can be cut on ceiling on specific locations, so during a certain time of the day, there will be a light beam cast on the wall. For best results, cut at least 6 holes to get at least 6 natural light beams.
All bedrooms, study room and entertainment room must be hidden behind white walls. Any other extra spaces must also be hidden behind white walls can be used for storage purpose; everything that is not black, or white can be stored in the room. Owner with kids can lock their children inside and use it as children's play room as most kid will vandalize any walls if given the freedom to roam free anywhere in the house. Door to these rooms must not be visible to the eyes. To enter a room, keep pushing along the white wall until a "door" pops out. Hopefully, it's the right room / cabinet.
All light switches, power points and network access points MUST be concealed from sight.
Electronics from Apple Inc are highly recommended for minimalist interior.
Last but not least, bear in mind that owner must move in without any possessions. If valuable antiques is in possession, ideal place to store them would be in maid’s room or guest’s toilet, given the condition that the maid room and guest’ toilet is detached from the main house; otherwise they shall be placed in the storage room behind the wall as well.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gain inspiration from History of architecture books.
Important: If planning to build a new house, location of the house must be considered beforehand. For best results, built house next to a cemetery. For classical style, the relationship of exterior (facade), landscaping and interior MUST go hand in hand.
For landscaping, construct a maze with shrubs and hedges in front garden. Please allow a generous amount of clearance from front gate to main entrance for mazes to achieve the desired look. Import plastered statues of fallen angles and Greek gods and place them randomly around the hedges. Statues must not look new; and if they do, try chopping off their arms or heads before displaying. For the more adventurous, two stone lions can be installed at the main gate posts. Lions must be at least 7 feet tall.
For exterior design, use as many Greek columns as possible. For a more simplistic look, use Doric columns. Ionic column can be applied if owner wish to go for grandeur. Introduce a 2 dimensional pediment to jut out from the flat roof. If budget permits, gargoyles can be introduced at every corners of the house. For more grandeur, try importing statue of Zeus on the roof of main entrance.
For the interior, construct a grand staircase, visible from the living room with flowery patterns plastered on it. This grand staircase must look down into water feature with a statue of boy pissing continuously, situated directly below a gigantum chandelier of at least 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide that is suspended in a triple volume space of nothingness.
Fake antiques, European furniture (preferably L - Shaped sofa from Ikea) can be used in the living room, which flaunts a home theater system with a projection screen for karaoke purposes. Furniture should sit on a tiger skin rug. Ceiling must be of suspended with custom plastered flowery patterns. All space must feature a chandelier, sizes appropriate according to room size. All additional ambient lightings must be concealed behind plastered ceilings. As for the flooring, use nothing but marbles. Bathrooms must feature gigantic bathtubs enough to fit 4 people with gold coated taps. Also note that all door handles, must also be gold coated.
Paintings from Renaissance period can be placed around the interior, the more the better. If wall runs out of space for display, paintings can be placed on the floor leaning against the wall. All paintings must be framed with gold coated timber frame with carved flowery patterns (From Ikea). Modern painting must be avoided at all cost. Family portraits must be oil-painted, on gold coated timber frame with carved flowery patterns.
Closets must be filled with single colored polo shirts and owner must possess at least 5 shirts of same colors and must purchase at least 5 different colors to achieve desired look for your closet. Shoes must be black lather polished to reflect like a mirror. For best results, purchase several golf shoes and place them next to your shiny leather shoe. Master bedroom should have a mannequin to hang scarves.
Note: For best results, wait a year after the new house is built before moving in to allow dusts to set on furniture and statues and enough time to allow crawling plants to grow on walls and columns. Must hire a gardener when moving in. Hire at least 4 maids and have them wear black dress with white laced apron slip-ons.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See minimalist style. Apply the same principles. For this style, timber flooring and birch wood veneer on selected cabinets and birch wood platforms for all bedrooms are de rigueur.
Do not use any bed frames. Place mattresses on the floor. Display one paper lantern (from ikea) in each room next to the mattress. For best results, place several books written by Dalai Lama next to your bed. Alternatively, Karma sutra books. Use only white bed sheets. Position occasional pots of dried branches twigs in carefully selected corners. Absolutely refrain from any fluorescent lights. Only tungsten lights should be used in all spaces.
Use white pebbles in abundance. Cut holes of 1 feet deep, 3 feet wide (length varies according to size of main door) in front of your main door and fill them with white pebbles. Apply white pebbles on selected corners, underneath suspended cabinets, on table tops, shower trays and beside staircases if applicable. Optional: Allow wider gaps in the flooring if more stones are desired.
Chinese paintings can be displayed around the house. Indian karma sutra is another viable option.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover one wall adjacent to two white ones with orange wallpaper with circular patterns on it. Accessories the space with a Pastille or globe chair, a carpet of more circular patterns (from ikea), a circular white coated pendant lamp (from ikea) and a plasma TV beside a lava lamp. Make circular holes in the wall as and when necessary. For furniture and fixtures, choose orange when in doubt. When in architectural doubts, make orange circles.
A cabinet should be customized to display Vinyl collections. Collections must contain materials from Patti Smith, PJ Harvey and Sonic Youth. A record player, preferably in a globe stand, with glossy orange surface and translucent cover must be placed next to the record player.
Coffee table must be made of stainless steel. Mirror can be used as opposed to glass if owner wish to use cocaine in the living room.
Andy Warhol artwork would be a perfect choice for the interiors.
Owners are advised to shop at second hand shops.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Keep at least one roof pitched, construct koi pond against a textured stone wall (preferably with sprouting water), and use timber in abundance - columns, railings, flooring, frames of doors and windows etc.
For the living room, a wooden opium bed/ daybed and a Persian carpet are recommended. An outdoor patio made of timber decking and two timber deck chairs are mandatory. Bathrooms must feature skylight and must be filled with pebbles/ stones. Garnish with Balinese sculptures randomly both inside out.
Most importantly, plant a jungle around the house, both inside and outside.
4 comments:
i'm doing inside-out stuff for my D10 thesis - hey, finally "D10" ;)
wow you must be really sick of what you do. LOL thats a funny read. Love the sarcasm.
the first one ...sounds like what i would do -_-
Interesting.. but my head is spinning :P
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